great i have no freaking idea why but i suddenly feel like coming back here to blog. more uh nostalgic when things werent all that compli and all of us arent so grown up yet. and i mean yet

sigh i dont even know where to begin. total emotional rollercoaster and i have no idea what to do. im not saying i have no idea because i dont want to say things that im not supposed to be saying but because i really have no idea what to say/do/feel and on and on and on.

even me myself and i dont know whether i like A truly and its no thanks to countless teasings and what nots but hell yeah in the name of fun alrighties(: thats alright w me. but then i become totally confused about whether i truly like or dont like him. like total wowow.
AND now that things get even more confusing with A liking B and treating me like a totaly guy and telling me anything and everything. i think its a case of TMI (too much information) seriously. knowledge is notnotnot power here and i dont want to know so many things.
sometimes ignorance is bliss in this case
and im stuck with the case of me in btwn them and no thanks we're in the same school and i have no idea why i keep bumping into him in school today and the fact that we dont acknowledge at all.(even before this incident) is rly weird and i have no idea what to do. now what's new. hrmph.

wth i dont feel like talking to him now not because he fell for my bestie but because of the fact that i feel like he's just using me to get to her. get what i mean? like the sentence 'its really good to like a girl who's your friend's best friend' great. now what does that make me? some person to talk to when he's not talking to her or smth? or a person to ask things so as to say the exact right things to her. alrighties isnt that just great
im not pissed i just dunno what to feel and think. oh and this is just coming out without processing so forgive the incoherance and whatnotselse.
today was a total sine curve thingy cos right in the morning i sat back facing him and blasted the ipod so as not to hear anything. ohwell escapism but whatthehell
then chem mass lect where there was no lect but some ntu prof coming to speak.

right. of all the 600plusplus seats in the audi he has to sit in the seat right freaking behind me
now how bout giving me some space here duh
nope nvm and i totally couldnt concentrate on anything not because of infatuation or cos i like or anything but cos i was just uneasy about everything and its just the jittery feeling. and for the few times im at a loss of what to write again. fuck
and so i seriously felt like puking. no idea why and i felt like the stomach was doing a 360 or smth. seriously. i swear its not psychological or anyth. at least that point in time. and despite facing the prospect of saying excuse me about 239302498 times to get out cos i was stuck right in the middle i did so anyway and escaped to the toilet. i seriously thought in was gg to puke in the toilet right there and then. and if i didnt escape the audi i would just puke right out onto the person in front if i didnt get out quick enough. so ahwell i didnt puke after all but totally no appetite the whole day.

i think its mild food poisoning anyw. but the coincidence is scary and maybe a tinge of psychological barrier. i totally cant imagine a lecture, him sitting about 5cm behind me and its just so much unsaid things betwn us that the close proximity is just damn uncomfortable and once again i have no idea what to do

ohwell i force myself not to think of all this shit and concentrate back on the books and harrypotter series and everything else. like arranging the ipod. i wish someone would just read the feelings right off me and tell me exactly what to do and what to say. then all these wouldnt be sitting on my mind.
OH saw yw during break and one rash streak in me wanted very badly to go and tell him and just get it off but its NEVER going to happen. anyw that lasted about 2secs so yeah.
i need some major distraction. and civics and gp were the total make-my-days today.
usually its the day-dampener but shaun and zihe totally went mad and went crazy with me sticking stickers on each other. damn childish but i felt soooo good laughing until my stomach hurt. in a gd way.
3 periods of totally not thinking about it kinda rocked. and the fact that hsu told me about my essay assignment 2 breaking the 30 mark was just IMBA pls. the highest he's given. totally made my day pls.
'follow your dreams, is this gd advice' total inspiration and well just imba.
damn happy but toobad that wasnt cts. still pending those ct results.
sigh im really really scared. like heart coming out of mouth- scared. yep.

sigh i dont know i dont know i dont know.
why does he have to make things so difficult.
maybe it'll all get better soon.
my life is a total drama serial please. a damn draggy one which causes people (me) to roll eyes at it. now isnt the eighteenth summer of my life interesting

wanted to do a livejournal but i freaking have no idea how to use it OHWELL

what am i supposed to do now.
whatever the outcome, i guess things will never ever be the same alr with him
-

hello to all those who are still fervently reading this blog and waiting for me to blog.
hurhur are you slow or are you slow.
alrighties

i have moved! yeah

www.exquisitethoughts.blogdrive.com

ok go there, read and tag
(;

hmm i realised tht i have been blogging about things that always happen only yesterday
why? cos im super busy as in really really no-time-to-sit-on-my-sofa-at-home busy.yep
but i kinda like it anyhow cos it occupies me and i feel quite uh worthwhile?
ahhaa i dunno

anyw. monday
went out w wee, wanting, shaun, don and this other guy. whatshisname?
alvin? alwin? aiya something la
supposed t be jst a shop and look around kinda thing
but ended up watching battle wit
this andylau show which i seriously have never heard of before
and excuse me although i knw my chinese isnt all that gd but i can understand chinese movies one okay!! rurrh
dunno why they nv advertise the movie though. not too bad and andylau is such a big shot too:D
hahaha. walked arnd orchard rd for quite awhile too.
the christmas lights are darn pretty i say. although see them every year. not the same one's of course but still, every single tree and post is covered in lights and stuff.
oh ahahahh and the $250,000 swarovski tree. lol but cos of the rain it didnt look v impressive. ohwell anyway. its fun but i want t kick myself for not bringing camera t snap the sights. pfft. always like that. nevermind. another time i will bring it. hhahaa

okay tht's my monday. pretty fun rightrightright!
ahaha i bet tansihan agrees!;) i can imagine ong doing the um chio thing whn u tell her!:D:D:D

tuesday
also another great fun day
although it didnt start of as well cos i was super tired frm the day before.
CIP. kinda dreaded it before it started although it was at my own church yep
and had t wake up super early jst t get there and considering tht i slept at 1plus the night before cip wasnt all that enticing really.
was the station master of longest shortest. this game that i bet onemillion people knws how t play. its such a orientation game xcpt tht we played it on the floor instead of chairs cos the kids are like uh, minute. heh!
okay some of them are reallllll cute like this 5yr old boy. but some are jst v v v v mischievous. really chged my perspective on kids though. even those with adhd were also quite cute at times.
ohya one more thing i absolutely do not knw how those kids can run around, have energy t fight and shout, run around somemore, play games. and stuff. for 9 hours a day
whn it came t hantam bola [poison ball] we were all almost dead
and after playing six rounds they still want t play
we got thrashed by them pls. rarrh. ahaha. oh and each of them seem t have 9lives. die alr still can come back and play. lol
ohya. saw huey and david foo there also. volunteering thr also luh. didnt knw about the volunteering thing. ahaha but he's quite funny:D

after tht right, we were positively dead.
went home for dinner w cousins. too tired t talk much basically.
maybe jst nt in the mood i guess. dunno.

another fun day today ohyeah!
i cant waitttt!
tmrw's my baptism interview. quite nervous:(
but friday's coming. WHEEEEEEEE:D:D:D:D grins

WHEEE the past few days has been freaking fun
cos im damn damn busy
having fun of course
but at the same time im a teensy bit worried of the looming date 2nd jan 2007. heh
then j2 here i come, A's here i come. wahaa
anyway let me relish my current freedom first yeah and savour the moment

ohwell was at skateparty yesterday
pretty fun stuff although char and serena pangseh me halfway haha nvm still got somemore nice people who accompanied me!:D:D whahhaa
actually they went t be forcibly put into the miss everlast pageant and i have yet t thank my lucky stars for nt getting dragged screaming and kicking into it ya.
they left at fort rd there. boo to them. ahaha
anyw the route was quite shocking and seriously i was thankful tht i at least knw hw t skate quite competently--- not tht very pro okay jst gd enough to do urban skating
which means no more nice roads no more smooth skating track roads and stuff yep
jst the normal roads tht cars and lorries travel on.
headed dwn tanjongrhu thr and saw dhs agn. woah havent been thr since like what? teachers day? think so
pretty fun stuff. felt v v v shiok cos the traffic police escorted us thr pls. how often do you get that luh:D and they closed one lane for us. cool stuff.

anyw. thought we'd get there pretty fast and stuff. but no! the route was so long and wind-y that i think i got another blister somewhere on my feet. and to think that im alr not so lousy at skating imagine those poor aunties and stuff. ohmy. poor souls. wait do i sound sadistic. ahha i dont mean to. but one thing i regret again is nt bringing my camera. damnit. always like that. but if i lose it or anything or spoil it i wont ever live it down really. hmpf but the scenery was nice and the people were funny! ahaha would've made a great collage:D

after many rocky gravelly and teeth grinding paths we finally reached dxo!
ohman its like forever t reach there pls
didnt evn bother t take off skates. cool stuff huh. skating in dxo
ate quite nice buffet there. seriously thought the food wld be quite yucky but no, its pretty gd and stuff. or maybe we were jst hungry:D
saw some old tuition friends there tht ive not seen since forever. not v close t them anyw
OH and watched char and serena do the miss everlast catwalk. hahaa coolness.
sat arnd somemore. saw some pretty hot models modelling everlast stuff. sizzling hot i tell you. aahahah okay and saw randall too. y'knw the mediacorp artiste. ok maybe not mediacorp aiya whatever. played some games. sat arnd somemore.
didnt feel like roller disco-ing. but dxo's real cool. first time in there though yeah

cabbed back w char and was pretty dead aft tht.
dug out all the goodiebag stuff and threw out most of it. :D LOL

okay another busy busy day ahead.
loving this

ARGH firstly i must really really say i'm super duper sad i didnt go 6/4'01 class outing:(:( its been so so so long since i last saw any of you. except anghee la and a few others. but the rest. sigh really miss you guys. we will always be the best class. and omg we're still so bonded and stuff. haha whn i tell people i still meet up with my primary 6 clsmates they go 'harrr?'

wah im rly proud we still keep in contact and stuff:D
but whn i read their blogs on how much fun they had tht day at vivo and sentosa i feel
damn jealous!!!!! rarrrhhhh
i wished so much i was there luh. but i was working my butt off climbing the mountain at the verymoment they were having fun and i was attending baptism cls the second they were at vivo. RARRRHH.
unfair! nvm i'll jst kope the pics frm their blogs and stuff. dont mind k people. haha!:D
gosh i miss those people. really really alot. sigh.
its those friendships that really last.
:D:D to all of you:D

okay well today
busybusybusy day
i still cannot get used t waking up later in the mornings. its a bad thing okay
cos im still v v v tired and need slp desperately and my stupid body jst insists on waking up at like 730am in the morning. madness. all thx t slc but yeah i need t adjust my body clock back t holiday mode. pfft.
anyw. gave caron thirteen miss calls t wake her up. oh man girl u need t wake up faster!
oh and do i really hate voicemails. yes i do.lol
went t play soccer w parents cell. didnt play much but kick arnd a little cos mum didnt want me getting any blacker than i alr am. eeeee but i kinda like my arm and legs tan but the face sucks:( oh and its was mosquito buffet on me agn.
and i thought i was free of those pesky things once i stepped off bintan and onto singapore. sigh.
blood sucking creatures go away please.

went t the adidas sale after.
the queue jst t get in was abit mad. row after row after row. ohman. took a good 20min jst t get a look at anything. pretty ridiculous if u ask me. didnt get much stuff. although wanted the red adidas cap. was looking for water bottles t buy but didnt evn find a single one pls:( ohwell.

church after. not too bad. had t discuss some love odessey matters which is drawing real near.
yayy tht means christmas is so coming and im getting baptised realrealreal soon!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
i lovelovelove christmas<3

tmrw's the skateparty thing yayy agn. sundays gna be great tmrw! xcpt i got t be in church at 10am:( t meet aunty evelyn.sigh so early.
these few days gna be soooo packed and then im off!
:):) ong and tans we're so going out soon OKAY. this thurs? free? think the date's 30th. i think. sms me okokokok!
ahhaaha oh and wee whr are we going. and yayyyy christmas lightings! i like!
i sound damn hyper. okay tht's all for now. any 6/4'ers got nice photos send me okokok!
thanks ah

tralalala <3

the past 4 days of my life has definitely been the most exciting/challenging/disgusting/fun/dirty/ days of my holiday. cos i spent it in the company of all the sports leaders in school and on the sunny island of bintan. ohwait one of those was spent in singapore. yup okay let me recollect my messed up thoughts and write chronologically and coherently.

warning: this is going t be a long post. so if u dont wanna listen t me relating happily about slc and wishing you were there, stop now yup

day one
omg i still cant do the underlining thing:(
ok the first day was spent happily in school with the usual teambonding activities with my happy-go-lucky group. okay we rock. and we're crap to the max:D started off with the move the chairs game whr like everybody stands on the chairs, yeah tht game. but xcpt ours was move the chairs for one hundred metres instead of the 10/20 metres. tough shit. and backbreaking and armaching work indeed. but it was only the first of the many tough stuff t be done.
we came in second! whee:D

then played station games which included climbing the super high tennis wall and dipping our hands into grassjelly+mud+grass+egg+hell lot of disgisting stuff solution and finding tiny ginko nuts.LOL . and the usual treasure hunt, obstacle course, communication games, and human knot games. yeah and we were hot and sweaty after. typical.
played water bomb captain's ball aft to cool dwn.
objective of the game: score a goal w the water bomb
end result: us squeezing the water bombs at every opportunity:D
in the end: everyone drenched.
and the rain was pretty on time and it poured but the game still continued:D rain captain;s ball. how fun is that pls you tell me. totally:)
field cooking next. okay call me suaku but its a first in my life. seriously. i've never done field cooking. how sad is tht pls. anyw. i didnt evn hv a messtin t begin with. thx t my darling grpmates who had extra heh!:) from coating the undersides of the tins with colgate to lighting the fire using solid fuel. i knew nothing. great. but the experience was fab and the food, albeit it being tremendously salty and er, tasty. it was yumyumyummm. cos we were all soooo hungry alr. yeah meegoreng and campbell soup with cocktail sausages and canned sardines became heaven.
clean up and debrief before hitting the sack, er sleeping bag. hahaa. and it was soon going t be our most comfortable slp in the 3 nights we were gg t have. yes little did we knw that:)
and we got t brush teeth in the toilet and see our faces in the mirror.
its a luxury. really.

oh and slept in the dance studio. and its the first camp i've attended whr girls dont slp separately frm guys. as in everyone slps in the same place. cool shit. ahhaa LOL

day two
headed off bright and early for bintan island. morning call frm the guys at six. urgh. left for tanahmerah ferry terminal. 2 hours ride there and another hour by a rickety old bus on a road with no traffic lights or road dividers. hah tht's bintan for you.
anyw. went on the boat, one of those fishermen trawlers tht were not too big, neither too small types ya and travelled right out to the middle of the sea. did boomnet jumping. whr everyone jumped into the sea into the nets la ofcourse. jumped from the second deck. the feeling was like uh, committing suicide? aahaha but the cuts and scratches frm the nets werent that fun afterwards.OH and i got seasick. i tell you, its the mostmostmost horriblest feeling ever. much much worse than carsickness okay. i thought i was okay until after i finished jumping the nets. all cold and wet and shirt sticking t skin feeling and the feeling of the world toppling in your head is notnotnot good. and i just puked out my lunch and breakfast into the sea. thankGod we were in the sea and thr was nt much mess and puke t clean up. disgusting shit. and needless t say i felt horrible aft. but considerably better after puking my guts out. yeah. i hate boats.
landed on some ulu deserted island and treked like maybe 2+ km t get t the mountain t climb. surprise surprise its not bukit timah hill
its some gradient 60-70 degree mountain.
the starting ascent wasnt all that bad until we came t the middle. omg. its like almost vertical and you jst have t cling onto any teeny weeny root that is surprisingly strong and find a foothold.omgomgomg. climbed for like 1 hour? thn didnt evn reach the top cos it was getting dark fast [the sun sets at like 730 thr] quite disappointing tht didnt reach the top really. getting down was a challenge too man its jst like sit and slide. and our butts were pretty much rubbed in soil for most of the descent. but the guys were v helpful:D got on the boat AGAIN:( and landed on an even more deserted island.
no lights no toilets no mirrors alot of sandflies

i guess that explains alot huh. yeah didnt have toilets so we jst did it all in the bushes. haha quite hilarious. and guess whr all the disposable underwears went? yes into the bushes too! ahaha we had a competition see who can throw furthest. lol. imagine girls doing their business in the bushes. ahhaa i guess tht's also another first for me. oh and wearing contacts was an art in itself too. using mr loh's sunglasses as mirrors. heh. okay now we're all experts in wearing lenses. oh and the brushing and spitting into the sea thing. yeah tht's pretty fun too. then after, tried t keep the bonfire alive for awhile t dry our clothes and stuff. headed off t sleep. without bathing. heh we're dirty pigs. and the tent we used was so insect infested and all. urrrgh. but the fatigue wins and we jst shifted the bags out of the tent and plonked into the slping bags and the next thing we knw--morning's here. with stiff backs and aching shoulders.

day three
headed off in that hateful boat again. argh! i hatehatehate boats. really i do.
and guess what, i puked out my breakfast too on the boat. sigh, not my fault! i alr ate v v v little on the insistence of my grp members cos the day's activities were quite rough. and in the end still puked it out. sighsighsigh. nothing seem t stay in my stomach whn im on the boat. why!?then had kayaking and swimming. was quite shocked for awhile. cos there weren't 'nuff 3 man and 1 man kayaks for all. and the rest had t swim. so jst threw on a lifejacket and off we went. the swimmers didnt evn hv t use lifejackets. pro-ness. open sea swimming's quite scary with the unpredictable waves and all. yeah and the undercurrent and stuff. hmpf but its quite an experience. better than sitting on the kayak and getting seasick or worse, on the boat. haha. soon got the hang of it and swimming was fun! heh. swam abt 1km plus and rafted after.

our raft was err. bad. real bad. cos aiyah we didnt want t offend anyone. namely this guy and he insisted on making our raft and cos we 'didnt' knw how t do it. yeah so it was jst all one person's work and stuff. boo!:( and within seconds of us boarding the raft, it collasped. yup. barrel, sticks and strings. everything. and we had t walk like 500m? to the next island. best. but the journey was funny and trying t catch drifting barrels was even funnier. but the cuts and scrapes on the rocks. werent all that funny. everyone came out of the water with bloody legs cos of the sharp rocks. boo:( yeah lunched after and played island station games

climbing coconut trees, rockclimbing![yeah i reached the top!:D], half the tennis wall thing, spiderweb, obstacle course, orienteering aka[mosquito buffet] , the barrel game yup. until dinner. super fun and ultimate bonding. better than first day. did the skit. and campfire at night. tgd w zhonghua school npcc who koped out huts at night. and we had t slp in tents:(
and that's day three for you.

oh and i got to bathe. hahaah after not bathing for 48 hours. after wearing the same tee and shorts and not untying my hair for the same amt of time. bathing was heaven. despite the super cold water yeah. so it was pretty great tht we slept in the tents washed and showered:D

day four
ultimate anticlimax

elaborate more later. tuition now
ohman and i think i still need more sleep
bahhhh

okayokay i shall end the thing now
climb up the mountain successfully and quickly as well
with a whole lot of dirt in my fingernails which were pretty fugly after and my butt was quite bruised yep. so :( to that. and :) to the rest.
really challenged us physically and mentally.
but i guess we/us being sports people had the mental grit to go all the way
yeah
no guts no glory

okay im done:D:D

SLC's tmrw and i havent packed a single thing yet
no wait. i havent evn found/decided which bag t use and everything. its a MESS
rarrrrh okok tht can wait i promise i'll get dwn t doing it

had the usual typical ohsoboring sunday again
this is getting wayyy boring
esp without my csi's and korean flicks cos ive alr finished watching them. sigh.
and tomkat's wedding totally doesnot interest me one teeny bit kudos to the news tht's showing it like at every possible interval. hmpf.
i want my life t get more exciting. pretty pretty pls.
ohwell i guess the camp's the first step. hahaa
went t ecp t blade agn today
looking forward t the skateline event thingy on 26th nov. funfunfun
and it ends at DXO. whee fun on blades is love. with yummy buffet at the end and all. best of all the company toooooo. think its w char, serena and jo. i think. yayy. now all i hv t do is
wait. and that --- sucks.

blading rly takes my mind off things. and i can look at the multitude of reckless people at ecp who dont give 2 hoots about crossing the blading and cycling path as and whn they fancy. and you the blader/cyclist hv t siam them at the last possible second so that an accident wont happen. pfffft. and those kiddos too. omg horrors.
they jst stop right there in the middle of the road, make a 180 degree turn on their 4wheeler bike and carry on happily in the opp direction. best!
hence the many near misses today. but the rest was fun. seeing all the people jst doing their own thing bbq-ing, whathaveyous. ya pretty insightful. and relaxing too. too bad not many people knw how t blade:( otherwise i'd have more company:D

ohwell tht;s my sunday. i wish the next wld be different

i wanna go outta singapore soon soon soon. but thr's a million other things i wanna do
but i dont exactly knw what they are
so guess what time is it now
its time to make a list
hah one of my favourite things t do in the world. seriously.
making lists. makes me feel superuber organised and all. yeah tht's what im gna do
like right now

seventeenth
temasekjc
I am worth $1,759,430 on HumanForSale.com

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