Wednesday, July 04, 2007 @6:35 PM
great i have no freaking idea why but i suddenly feel like coming back here to blog. more uh nostalgic when things werent all that compli and all of us arent so grown up yet. and i mean yet
sigh i dont even know where to begin. total emotional rollercoaster and i have no idea what to do. im not saying i have no idea because i dont want to say things that im not supposed to be saying but because i really have no idea what to say/do/feel and on and on and on.
even me myself and i dont know whether i like A truly and its no thanks to countless teasings and what nots but hell yeah in the name of fun alrighties(: thats alright w me. but then i become totally confused about whether i truly like or dont like him. like total wowow.
AND now that things get even more confusing with A liking B and treating me like a totaly guy and telling me anything and everything. i think its a case of TMI (too much information) seriously. knowledge is notnotnot power here and i dont want to know so many things.
sometimes ignorance is bliss in this case
and im stuck with the case of me in btwn them and no thanks we're in the same school and i have no idea why i keep bumping into him in school today and the fact that we dont acknowledge at all.(even before this incident) is rly weird and i have no idea what to do. now what's new. hrmph.
wth i dont feel like talking to him now not because he fell for my bestie but because of the fact that i feel like he's just using me to get to her. get what i mean? like the sentence 'its really good to like a girl who's your friend's best friend' great. now what does that make me? some person to talk to when he's not talking to her or smth? or a person to ask things so as to say the exact right things to her. alrighties isnt that just great
im not pissed i just dunno what to feel and think. oh and this is just coming out without processing so forgive the incoherance and whatnotselse.
today was a total sine curve thingy cos right in the morning i sat back facing him and blasted the ipod so as not to hear anything. ohwell escapism but whatthehell
then chem mass lect where there was no lect but some ntu prof coming to speak.
right. of all the 600plusplus seats in the audi he has to sit in the seat right freaking behind me
now how bout giving me some space here duh
nope nvm and i totally couldnt concentrate on anything not because of infatuation or cos i like or anything but cos i was just uneasy about everything and its just the jittery feeling. and for the few times im at a loss of what to write again. fuck
and so i seriously felt like puking. no idea why and i felt like the stomach was doing a 360 or smth. seriously. i swear its not psychological or anyth. at least that point in time. and despite facing the prospect of saying excuse me about 239302498 times to get out cos i was stuck right in the middle i did so anyway and escaped to the toilet. i seriously thought in was gg to puke in the toilet right there and then. and if i didnt escape the audi i would just puke right out onto the person in front if i didnt get out quick enough. so ahwell i didnt puke after all but totally no appetite the whole day.
i think its mild food poisoning anyw. but the coincidence is scary and maybe a tinge of psychological barrier. i totally cant imagine a lecture, him sitting about 5cm behind me and its just so much unsaid things betwn us that the close proximity is just damn uncomfortable and once again i have no idea what to do
ohwell i force myself not to think of all this shit and concentrate back on the books and harrypotter series and everything else. like arranging the ipod. i wish someone would just read the feelings right off me and tell me exactly what to do and what to say. then all these wouldnt be sitting on my mind.
OH saw yw during break and one rash streak in me wanted very badly to go and tell him and just get it off but its NEVER going to happen. anyw that lasted about 2secs so yeah.
i need some major distraction. and civics and gp were the total make-my-days today.
usually its the day-dampener but shaun and zihe totally went mad and went crazy with me sticking stickers on each other. damn childish but i felt soooo good laughing until my stomach hurt. in a gd way.
3 periods of totally not thinking about it kinda rocked. and the fact that hsu told me about my essay assignment 2 breaking the 30 mark was just IMBA pls. the highest he's given. totally made my day pls.
'follow your dreams, is this gd advice' total inspiration and well just imba.
damn happy but toobad that wasnt cts. still pending those ct results.
sigh im really really scared. like heart coming out of mouth- scared. yep.
sigh i dont know i dont know i dont know.
why does he have to make things so difficult.
maybe it'll all get better soon.
my life is a total drama serial please. a damn draggy one which causes people (me) to roll eyes at it. now isnt the eighteenth summer of my life interesting
wanted to do a livejournal but i freaking have no idea how to use it OHWELL
what am i supposed to do now.
whatever the outcome, i guess things will never ever be the same alr with him
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